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Please stop judging your friends who use Tinder wh...

Please stop judging your friends who use Tinder when traveling

Note: Some names mentioned in this article were changed to respect their privacy.

I recently finished a quick random trip in Cambodia to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Like any millennial traveler, the first thing Melissa (not her real name) did when we arrived the luxurious Shinta Mani Resort in Siem Reap was ask for the wifi password. She lives in Dubai and the last time I saw her was in Brasil in 2014. I literally wanted to talk and catch up but she was up to something on her mobile phone.

What are you doing? Talk to me!

Give me a sec. Just checking some stuff.

I grabbed her phone because I didn’t believe she was just “checking some stuff.” There she sat, doing the mandatory swiping left and right — a feature that Tinder is uniquely known for and has made a lot of travelers hooked. I haven’t used Tinder in a while so I joined her parade, downloaded the app and started swiping. The two of us sat across each other in silence, bowed down our phones and did the left and right movement with our fingers.

The next thing I knew, we’re having drinks at Charlie’s, a local pub in Siem Reap. And we had company. Exhibit A is a Peruvian guy called Juan Carlos (that’s his real name) whom we met in our first night in Siem Reap. It was the first time that I met someone from Peru who is traveling and I am totally raved about it. Not all Peruvians travel halfway across the world and Juan Carlos was definitely a surprise for me.

Exhibit B was one of the results of swiping right. A very intelligent, young and decent boy from New Zealand called Cooper. Not his real name, obviously. He was traveling for business — Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Ho Chi Minh and Siem Reap were the highlights. As random and funny Juan Carlos is, with his very thick Peruvian English accent, he asked: “How did you guys know each other?” I think by sitting down with us, he was expecting that Cooper was someone I met while traveling.

“Tinder.” I said

Juan Carlos and Cooper looked at each other and the golden days of awkward flashed before their eyes. They both had this evil awkward grin thinking, “is she really saying this with confidence? Upfront much?” They were not comfortable at all. Why is it so hard to accept that Tinder is a part of growing up? I mean, come, on we all do/did it at one point. It’s a trend that has helped in the evolution of millennial travel.

“We are all adults here and I think that this shouldn’t be weird or awkward. I am weird. Do you like weird?”

They all laughed. Conversations filled the room while the 4 of us chugged the popular 50 cent Angkor beers in Siem Reap. After a few drinks at Charlie’s, things got weirder when we moved to Angkor What???, a popular club where backpackers go to dance and party. Just in time, Exhibit C, a German lad who we can call Niklas was right there, waiting with a friend. He was wearing the thing he described to me when we agreed to meet that night: green shorts and tank top as he said it.

Okay, wait a second. I know you might be thinking how many exhibits did I had that night. The thing is, Tinder for me is not a dating app but a way to easily meet people and hang out. We’ll get into the details of that when I discuss my way of using Tinder later on. And you understood it right — I gathered every match I did in one party because I just want to hang out. I am not looking for a one night stand or a loneliness remedy. We have different ways in using Tinder and I think that most travelers who are honest that they use the app have their own ways, too. It depends on your intention and mine is purely platonic.

We danced as a big fcking awkward group (I wasn’t awkward tho), had some more drinks and by midnight, Cooper called it a night. I don’t know if he knew that Niklas was also from Tinder or maybe he just wanted to head home to prepare for a series of Angkor Wat tours the following day. Whatever it is, I didn’t want to ask nor figure out. Traveling also taught me that you will never be on the same wavelength with people all the time (even if they are your close friends). I learned how to respect people when they want to call it a night. Again, we are all adults — if you want to stay, stay. If you want to leave, leave. It’s not like this friendship is over once one of us decides to call it a night.

Melissa, Juan Carlos and I were left there with Niklas, Niklas’ friend and Niklas’ friends’ friend. Dancing, looking at each other, smiling, doing crazy moves, whatever. Niklas approached me and started a conversation:

“Are you looking for a relationship?” he asked.

“No. What made you say that?” I responded.

“Why are you on Tinder?”

Goodness gracious! Is this how every millennial traveler look at using Tinder? A hook up app? A booty call tool? I think this is the reason why your friend who use Tinder is not open and honest about it. He/she doesn’t want to receive that look you give when you are totally judging someone. It’s mainly an app for fun, for meeting people — at least that’s how it is for me. Between you and I, I will tell you the secret on why I use Tinder: Marketing. On my Tinder profile, the only thing I write is my blog and at the same time, it’s syndicated with my Instagram acct. I’ve seen the results — people really click links because they are eager to know something about me. Most of them ended not swiping right because they forgot. They mainly connected to me via the blog. There was one Tinder meet up I went to in Medellin, Colombia and I ended up teaching him how to start a blog! If you’re one of those who have marketing minds, you will understand.

A Mexican blogger friend of mine did a good explanation on how he uses Tinder to meet locals. If you want relationships, Tinder is not the answer. Go out there and participate in the world. You will see the results of being romantically involved with people (live) instead of using an app that evidently reveals the pretentious side of a person.

However, there is no denying it. I have friends who had success stories in finding intimate relationships on Tinder. But up until this day, they are still not admitting to their family and friends how they met their partners. And that sucks because these are very decent millennials who I personally know. I understand why your parents won’t get this kind of thing though. In most conservative cultures (like mine), Tinder is not something you talk about on the dinner table but in the VVDH (Velarmino-van der Heijde) House Rules Book, it is acceptable because we prefer honesty over judgment.

Whether you want to use Tinder to meet locals or hook up on a lonely night in a full moon festival in Koh Phangan, I am saying this with all honesty: I am not judging you. If you want to know that it’s okay; that it’s a part of growing up and you may use it however you want. And if you are really looking for a serious relationship, I suggest you be honest with yourself first. It’s difficult but it’s one of the challenges of growing up.


Are you on Tinder? How do you use? Traveling? Meeting locals? Making friends? If you’re against it, would love to read your thoughts, too! Feel free to leave it on the comment box below. You are also free to use a fake name if you are protecting your privacy. 😉

 

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Trisha is one of those people who left their comfortable life to travel the world and learn about life. Her style is to stay in one place she likes for 3 months (or more) to know what it feels like to eat, cook, speak and sleep in another culture that isn’t hers. She'd like to believe she's not traditionally traveling but she just chooses to be somewhere else all the time. Trisha also loves extremely spicy food, pineapples, plants and symmetry. In no particular order, her favourite cities in the world are Barcelona, Buenos Aires, Hong Kong and Tel Aviv. Follow her life adventures on Instagram - @psimonmyway

  1. Josh Sterrett

    22 February

    Hey Trish,

    I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this story of the bday party in a ’embarassing Tinder moments’ from the perspective of the guy! Haha

    I also use Tinder to meet up with locals and not necessarily as a hookup ap. It’s a great way to quickly meet locals while traveling.

    I’ve also always mentioned my instagram but not my blog. I too thought it was a great way to get some local exposure to places I was visiting.

    Great article to wake up to!

  2. Iqahjasmine

    24 February

    The funny thing about this post is that I thought I was the only few who are guilty about this. I remember when I came back from my Europe tour. My friends were asking me for tips and what to do if you are in a foreign city; I immediately replied ” Download Tinder” ; “Cmon Don’t judge. Its not like that…”
    and the same reason as to what you said!
    “I gathered every match I did in one party because I just want to hang out. I am not looking for a one night stand or a loneliness remedy. We have different ways in using Tinder and I think that most travelers who are honest that they use the app have their own ways, too. It depends on your intention and mine is purely platonic.”

    I met and now have many wonderful international friends I made from tinder! They are all aspiring individuals who are nothing like creeps!

  3. Wan

    27 February

    Oh Tinder! I agree with you Trisha, i do not judge people who use tinder for hook ups or to meet locals! Even i admit to use it, but truth be told, i rarely check it while travelling. I get completely caught up in the moment and the real life action, that i see no point in using it: i’m meeting so many new people on the go, that my phone ends up in my room or my backpack!

  4. Bernard Tan

    28 February

    This is an interesting article~!!!

  5. Anne

    28 February

    I used to do this loads while traveling! When I lived in Australia for a little bit I was very active, I didn’t really know a lot of people and saw it as a way of meeting new people. Unfortunately the guys all thought differently and it brought me so many awkward situations. Even though I specifically told them ahead of time that I wasn’t looking for anything they still thought I was kidding or something! Most of the guys ended up gettin super wasted when we went out for drinks (maybe to get some more courage I dno???) or ran away after a little bit. All I can tell you is that I have loads of funny stories and no friendships after all that tindering during my travels. So if you ever think about writing a post about funny tinder dates! You know where to find me 😉 . Great piece by the way, really enjoyed reading it!

  6. Tom Edwards

    28 February

    I use Tinder to meet people too!

    One thing I will say though, is you should probably put something in your bio or tell men you are going to meet that it’s strictly platonic ahead of time. It could be very misleading to the people you’re talking to, as for most, it IS a dating app. Not really fair and probably embarrassing to some of these men who might think they are going on a date only to arrive and find out they are only one of two or three other guys you’ve invited out for the night. Just a thought!

    • Patricia

      1 March

      I never thought of its usefulness as a tool to meet locals ’til now. Good post, Trisha!

      Good point there, Tom! ☺

    • Tinder may be a good open field as well for marketing, however, Tom is right that it is a dating app and if your intention is ‘platonic,’ you should be clear about it in your bio.

  7. Emilyz

    28 February

    Ahah awesome post!!
    Yes I definitely use tinder while traveling, and not only I don’t judge people who use it but I am totally admitting it without shame, no problem.
    And same for me, I use it to promote my blog, ma facebook page and my instagram account. I also use it to meet locals or other travelers while traveling, but I also use it to have sex, why not! This is an awesome package app. 🙂

  8. Penelope

    28 February

    Such a good post! I love using Tinder when I go to new places, it’s also helped me improve my German when I was back in the UK after being in Germany and otherwise not using it very much! I actually met my boyfriend on Tinder (which basically all my friends know about haha) and we have made it work! Some of my closest friends at uni were initially people I found on Tinder, but we ended up having lots in common or just got on well and so stayed friends.

    Sometimes I feel like I get judged a bit for it (and I rarely use it now I’m in a relationship as it makes me feel a little weird, not going to lie) but it was a lifesaver when I moved to a new country (Honduras and Austria) and even got me a consulting job in Honduras!

  9. I have only met young guys trying to hook up through it, but if it works for just meeting people too then that’s awesome. I will have to give it a go! 🙂
    Safe Travels!

  10. Chris

    2 March

    I can’t say I’d ever judge anybody for using Tinder, but I know very little about it myself.

    My impression always was that it was designed for a carefree hook-up, but the breadth of my knowledge is pretty much from a good friends stand-up comedy show which was titled ‘Love me Tinder’ (yes, a play on the Elvis song).

    I love the confidence of the women in this tale, and for whatever people try to use it for, each to their own!

    Happy travels 😉

  11. Mar Pages

    3 March

    I think Tinder got its common reputation as a dating app because people started using it for dating and hook ups, but I’m sure if you tell people its sometimes used as a social app they will join in too! Sounds great for meeting people in any country 🙂

  12. Tiff

    4 March

    Tinder really has a reputation for hook-ups, considering it’s (mainly) a dating app. I know of a friend’s friend who used Tinder whilst traveling in Europe – she uses Tinder to find a place to stay. Not that I’m judging 😉 To each his/her own..

  13. Lauren

    4 March

    I’ve actually never thought of using Tinder for anything other than hook-ups! That’s what it’s seen as here in Canada it seems for the most part. I’ve never thought of using it at all since I’m happily with Justin, but it actually seems like such a great way to meet new friends and the marketing aspect, too! Very interesting!

  14. Lol, this is a nice share. I often use this kind of apps before too to find people around my area whenever I travel and I also get this reaction as well. I totally understand how you feel!

  15. Tracie Howe

    7 March

    I was under the same impression as that guy because of Tinder’s reputation, so it’s interesting to hear that you’re able to use it for marketing. I think since it’s a dating app and it maintains a sense of urgency, that is why it’s got the reputation it has. I can definitely see how it would be confusing to someone who IS trying to use it for a hook up if you’re only looking for friends.

  16. Isabela

    7 March

    I used Tinder for few days while I was traveling a year ago. I saw it on the Apple’s top apps and downloaded it. At first, I was clueless that it’s a dating/hooking app ’till I got weird messages from some people. Well, you can always stop replying to those creepy matches who seemed nice at first.

  17. Very honest post you did there!

    It’s always good to hear different perceptive of certain topics. I only heard of Tinder recently but didn’t bother to check what it is about. That’s something that I’ll have to see for myself 🙂

    After reading this post, I certainly don’t mind getting Tinder just to meet the locals, nothing more than that. Meeting local people is fun and it’s always great to meet new people.’m also fine with Couchsurfing 🙂

  18. Yes, that’s true. I affirm you that honesty is a main menu in our home. By the way, please teach me how to Tinder? Hahahaha.

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